The Watauga Democrat reports that the new chancellor is reluctant to ask top administrators to re-submit their résumés for consideration of continuation of their position.
We think she needs to read recent issues of the Seen (linked below).
College of Unhealthy Sciences in trouble?
The University continues to pour money into the CUSs, with loads of faculty positions and a planned massive new building. This is a reward for their outstanding 74% pass rate achieved by the latest batch of nursing graduates. Sounds logical to spend buckets of money on a program for several dozen students. This may get BOGed down if the Board of Governors decides to can the program like was threatened at NCA&T. Meanwhile, to further reinforce the fine CUSs performance, ASU has hired more from the Poole of medical people for the new Dean of the Graduate School.
Rex Morgan, NC
To Wit, thanks to Woody Wilson and Terry Beatty, Comics Kingdom
The Council of Chairs voted to have a no-smoking campus, with only one Libertarian holding out. We are not permitted to do that, but why not?--there is no defined penalty. The penalty of not doing it? The smoking rate increases 15% during the four years a student is here.
We get a warm, fuzzy feeling about the intimate Podcasts with the Provost--just like the breakfasts with Harvey Durham. Sort of. Provost Goneoverzealous had no comment since the Seen did not ask for one.
In the department of Useless But Paranoid Memos, we had the 5/14/14 email from Dr. Babbling Illness that, well, we have no ebola on campus and won't have any. Thanks. In other announcements, Generalissimo Francisco Franco continues to be dead.
We got the 6/16/14 email about the Captain's (?) class on Companion Shrubs. We at the Seen are all for marriage diversity but draw the line at perennial partnerships that cross kingdoms. And, the only Captain we like is Morgan.
The Office of Human Outsources announced the MisAPropos program that will "provide participants with proactive preparation for requests and actions related to the application and management of sponsored projects." Huh? Seems like an opportunity to create another Program Director. See above.
Speaking of new programs, we understand that there will be a new superdepartment--of Global Studies, Gender Studies, Interdisciplinary Studies, Undisciplined Studies, Equity, Diversity, Compliance, Women's Studies, Men's Studies, Global Engagement, Parakeet Studies, and Other Peripheral Topics.
Notice all the emails we now get about Faculty Handbook changes? We hope the Seen's previous snippy remarks about expecting us to read the policy manual every day had an effect.
Assessment State University
AaS Dean Tiny ("The Squid") Calamari announced that there are more program assessments and College strategic plan writing coming soon. Oh,joy.
apologies to Scott Adams.
University misdelivers a package
Appalachian's post office mis-delivered a package...
At least it wasn't going to an important destination like the Police. Oh. It was.
EDBERT (private joke, re dux with changes from last issue)
apologies to Scott Adams. And, to Mikedac.
Artist is no Einstein...
A piece of sculpture in the Rosen competition caught our eye (actually, the eye of associate editor Diva Sitter's). It includes a sundial that claims to be designed for our latitude of 34 degrees. Except, that's not our latitude--it's over 36 degrees. A local paper article said that it was designed for the North Carolina/Tennessee latitude. Except, Tennessee's southern border is at the 36 degree line, so none of Tennessee is at 34 degrees. The southern tip of NC, below Wilmington, is barely at 34 degrees. Anyway, it does not work -- it is 2 hours off (shadow below is at about noon, real time about 2:15), 1 hour off if corrected for daylight time. It does not work at all before noon, in spite of the a.m markings, because the morning Sun is north of its plane--it is all in shadow. At least it did not get an award! Oh! It did! $2,000 for an incorrect piece of art. For 5% of that the artist could have hired a starving astronomy student to check things.
Send it twice. Send it twice. Listen to me!
The Office of Human Resources Office is yelling at us again...
We welcome the Faculty Voice's reincarnation as the Faculty Voices.
We do point out though that, apparently, the old Faculty Voice was actually not underground but in fact a publication of the Faculty Senate:
We do remember the original fondly, especially the late Ken McKinney's contribution expressing his dismay with some faculty raising Christmas trees or horses instead of doing scholarly work in the balance of their work load. He characterized them as having "retired but failed to notify the State." Classic.
Marketplace (from the real Seen)
Popular Grove Rd.? No such place. Sell houses for a living? Live there? Edit the Scene?
Buy chairs and table kept in the snow? Maybe not.
site is not an official voice of Appalachian State University,
but merely a light-hearted look at the news. The people, places,
creatures, corporations, and institutions in this Seen are fictitious:
any resemblance to actual people, places, creatures, corporations,
or institutions is strictly coincidental. No animals, especially
administrators, were harmed in its production.