A different viewpoint...

June 28, 2006 Edition

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The Bridge for Nobody

ASU has begun the construction of its new pedestrian bridge. Dubbed "The Bridge for Nobody," since nobody will actually use it, the project absorbed $1.6 million. For those of you in offices in sad shape, note that the Seen has been told it was built with R&R money.

The artist concept at right shows that it was loosely based on a British design. It was spearheaded by (former) Vice Chancellor of Bidness Nefariousness, Ima Atta DeHelm.

Stairway to Heaven (or Hell...)

Since a few students may actually use the bridge shown above, the diminished number of pedestrians hit by cars will be made up for by the recently completed stairway shown below. Its apparent purpose is to direct pedestrians from the safe tunnel at its right, to jaywalk across Rivers Street, and meet their death.

We Never Learn Department

The sciences, feeling cheated by the wonderful indoor kayaking opportunities provided to the Health Promotion office (see March 8, 2005 Seen), is adding its own flood source. Using the same technique, they had a brick sidewalk set in a gravel filled concrete trough that will route water toward the new steam pipes just installed at the Science Complex.

The steam project was recently completed, just before it was eligible for National Historic Landmark status. It was also frequently mistaken for outdoor art. It will be missed. Like a sore.

ASU Abandons SACS to Join Newly Formed Accreditation Group

Appalachian decided to withdraw from the Southern Association of Colleges and Schools and join the newly formed Schools Unconcerned with Creditation's Kooky Standards. This means we will save thousands of person-hours per year by not preparing for an endless cycle of meaningless reviews, whose reports are swiftly forgotten. Instead, we will spend the same time actually improving our teaching.

With apologies to Scott Adams...

Physical Plant Increases its Hourly Charges

Not satisfied with doubling its hourly rates, Physical Plant has increased them again, to $100,000/man-hour. Combined with sending three times the number of workers actually needed for a job, this means they only need one or two jobs to cover their budget.

Administration Uses Sting Operation to Downsize

Looking for a way to identify staff with too much time on their hands, ASU held a sting operation in the guise of a "Printing and Publications Open House" last year. Offering many door prizes caused those with nothing better to do to sign up as they entered. The emailed list of awardees included almost 50 names. Firings have commenced.

This site is not an official voice of Appalachian State University, but merely a light-hearted look at the news. The people, places, creatures, corporations, and institutions in this Seen are fictitious: any resemblance to actual people, places, creatures, corporations, or institutions is strictly coincidental. No animals, especially administrators, were harmed in its production.

Previous Editions

Click here to see the first Edition of the Seen

Click here to see the January 14, 2004 Edition of the Seen

Click here to see the March 9, 2004 Edition of the Seen

Click here to see the April 20, 2004 Edition of the Seen

Click here to see the September 23, 2004 Edition of the Seen

Click here to see the March 8, 2005 Edition of the Seen