Appalachian Seen


A different viewpoint... This site isbest viewed with Google Chrome™ since, like most of the University, I have sold out to Google™ Proud to still (2020) be the number one hit on a Google search of "Appalachian seen," a very general phrase.
Belated victory lap, Nightmare on Appalachian Street The Seen has been "out of print" for the entire tenure of a Provost! But, we must take a victory lap in celebration of contributing to the end of the Provost Lordy Goneoverzealous regime! Chancellor Sherril N'Everest pulled the trigger on Lordy after getting the data. We never commented on the performance of her replacement, Darling Kreuger, cherry-picked as Lordy's replacement. Freddy, er, Darling has been moved to a "special assistant" to the Chancellor position until he is put out to pasture. We guess that pick did not work out so well. Trigger pulled again. By design The University's classroom podiums have the DVD and PC in a dark cabinet with smoked glass doors. The Sony DVD in Garwood 150 has black control buttons (in a black case with dark grey lettering), which are the size of a pencil point. Please note, App design instructors... EDBERT With apologies to Scott Adams... New Building Program at Appalachian The University has come up with a strategy for funding new buildings. "We are going to fund them with "self-liquidating debt" (student fees), said Vice Chancellor for Bidness Affairs, Pabst Forty. "Other universities have been putting academic building costs on the backs of students for several years, so why not?".The first project is the Sanford Hall renovation, an $18 millon project. LSD Associates and Sanford (no relation) White and Sons Engineering. The work is being done by Annoying Construction.

The Seen offers an alternative to planned classroom scheduling The University is going to centralized scheduling of classrooms this fall. After all, who knows better what a department needs for each type of class? What could go wrong? It will. We propose here that adequate rooms for expanding student enrollment could all be found on Fridays at the Peacock (College of Not Much Business) building. Rumor has it you could fire a gun down any hall on Fridays there and not risk hitting anyone. Twenty by ... what??? The University's crack planners came up with an enrollment growth plan based on a catch phrase: 20 by 2020. At this writing, there is still no state budget, or funds for growth. And, we are fighting a "downhill" battle with the decline in the number of students graduating high school. At least we're getting that 5% pay raise to make it bearable. Oh. Right. Most of us are not going to get any raise.
Punishing the class... We hear that the University is planning to not allow purchase cards used for Amazon orders anymore without going through the University's Yuckmart purchasing system. Bidness guy Pabst Forty said "we don't want faculty and staff to have easy access at good prices. That's not how we do things here. We are continuing our program of offloading work on the staff and faculty." We are guessing this is because purchases are being made with tax included and Bidness Affairs have to go out and get the taxes back. Punishing the class for the misdeeds of a few. Hey, dweebs, it takes about 5 minutes to download the tax exempt document at App and upload it on your account--see the link at right, found under your Amazon Account. When the cat's away... In an exchange of emails related to the above story, this Seen editor did a Reply/All that released an explosion of "out of office" autoreplies. Hmmm.... yes, it was Friday, but only 2:40 pm. Some of us put in a full day... Going up? How would I know? The fine Schindler elevators in Garwood had burned out bulbs in the up/down indicators on the car door edges to show you which way the car is going when the doors open. Faced with the daunting task of replacing these lamps, which to this writer (who has worked on cars since the 60's), appeared to be standard, 12-volt, bayonet base automotive tail light bulbs, the repair person instead made and installed custom metal plates to cover them up. One wonders what the repair would be if it happened in the Administration building. Or, God forbid, the palatial End Zone facility at the stadium. Assessment State University In the spirit of end of the year Faculty Performance Evaluations, University Strategy plans, mission statements, and other uselss tripe that will be put away for one or five years, and not looked at until the process is done again, we reprint a classic Edbert. EDBERT With apologies to Scott Adams. D&D minus the second D When the crack construction team at App could not figure out why the tiles were coming off the floors in Garwood, they decided to replace them with a better product, using a better adhesive, all after hiring a professional engineering company to determine the cause of the failure. Just kidding. Instead they hired a company to remove the tile and grind/fill/polish the underlying concrete it to a fine finish like that of a big box store. Just kidding. The resulting floor, composed of cracked concrete subfloor, foundation segments, never meant to be a finished surface, indeed never intended to be seen again, has the fine patina of a dungeon floor. We insult the dungeon world. A fine tribute to the late App grad and state legislator John A. Garwood. There's no free lunch ... ...nor parking, for motorcycles, starting in the Fall. And, no parking in ridiculous places like this walkway in the Rivers Street parking deck. Meanwhile ... The ASU Post Office wants us to quit having personal packages delivered to our offices. That's because delivering stuff is not their work. Oh, it is what they do. A lot of faculty and staff have rural homes, and anyone is a potential target of doorstep deliveries these days. Just consider it another perk for us, like free parking, or the free tuition our kids get at App. Or, the generous 5% pay raise we're all going to get. Oh, yeah, we don't get those things, either. This site is not an official voice of Appalachian State University, but merely a light-hearted look at the news. The people, places, creatures, corporations, and institutions in this Seen are fictitious: any resemblance to actual people, places, creatures, corporations, or institutions is strictly coincidental. No animals, especially administrators, were harmed in its production.
Previous Editions Click here to see the first Edition of the Seen - Parking Deck, VC for Parakeets, TVAC budget Click here to see Volume 2 of the Seen - Campus elevators, Weather policy, first Edbert Click here to see Volume 3 of the Seen - Perk cars, Acting Administrators, Edbert, Google finds The Seen! Click here to see Volume 4 of the Seen - Design errors in New Rankin, VC for Renaming things, ASU threatens the Seen Click here to see Volume 5 of the Seen - HP adds indoor kayaking, ASU clamps down on saving money, Alum system moves to Banner, Edbert, Toilet Paper problem, Yet another paper towel dispenser, Parakeet Pedagogy, Extreme diet options at Park Place Dining, Click here to see Volume 6 of the Seen - ASU buys Boone, Public Art, Grant holdup, Edbert, Creationist propaganda Click here to see Volume 7 of the Seen - Bridge for Nobody, Stairway, We never learn, abandoning SACS, Edbert, Physical Plant, Downsizing Sting Click here to see Volume 8 of the Seen - Bridge for Nobody revisited, Whine Science, Return of Pipe Sculpture, Study Abroad, Gen Ed Dynamic Faculty Allocation System, Edbert, UNC-Winston-tastes-good, New ID cards Click here to see Volume 9 of the Seen - Big Chill, Announcing BridgeCam, Leaking Roofs, ASU email, Edbert (several!), Department Plans, ASU Smoking Plan, Managing by Matrix Click here to see December, 2012 Seen - All Lordy... Click here to see April (Fools), 2013 Seen - More nonsensse! Click here to see the last issue--a big issue!
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