A different viewpoint...

December 18, 2008 RUSH Edition

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Warning: The Big Chill on the Way

We apologize for no updates in over a year. It is not for lack of material--the University provides plenty--but for lack of time.

However, we are compelled to produce this RUSH issue to warn of the Big Chill that is coming.

In honor of the namesake movie's 25th anniversary, ASU is going to turn the heat way down, to save energy. No, not to the 68 degrees advertised for when the University is officially open, but to the unstated temperature when it is officially closed, beginning Monday, for a week.

Rumors have it that that temperature is on the order of 55 degrees. Since they have not advertised the temperature, we will take it to be 55. Not just a good idea, but the law.

One might guess that the actual start date would be this Friday. Let's look at Ray's Weather forecast for the coming holiday (if we are allowed to, since in spite of it being written by an ASU faculty member and widely recognized as the best predictor, it does end in ".com" ...).

Hmmm .. a low of 13 degrees Sunday and Monday. Looks like the Perfect Storm is brewing!

Let's do the physics. There will be a drop of (55-13) = 42 degrees from outside to inside. The middle of walls and ceilings will be about 13 + (42/2), or about 34 degrees. Let's hope those pipes are not outside of center!

The editor has some suggestions to go along with their energy conservation tips:

• Cover your computers and anything else you value with plastic sheeting
• If you need to come in and, well do some scholarly activities over the break, you may need to bring your own heater (officially against the rules, by the way).
• Don't fear fires due to heaters--the leaking pipes will put them out.

Note that the pipes will actually thaw and start leaking about Christmas day, when nobody will be around to notice.

Announcing BridgeCam!

We proudly announce BridgeCam, a 24-7 view of the 1.6 million dollar pedestrian bridge not being used. At right is a 1/2-scale image, on the live version you can see people not using the bridge, even not using it at night.

We will get our crack engineering staff to change the lens eventually, so you will have a closer view of nobody using the bridge.

Full disclosure: this editor has used the bridge four times, two of them to accompany a dean.

I feel dirty.

Leaking Roofs Tradition Continues

We are pleased that University is maintaining its perfect record on all buildings leaking, with one of the latest reported at the junction of Rankin South and Rankin West.

Director of Rain Intrusion By Big Leaks, Etc, Mr. S. Smith, had buckets placed below the leaks recently.

Isn't it interesting that the only part of Rankin that has not leaked is the observatory dome, and it opens!

ASU gives up on email

Appalachian recently decided to put its incoming students' email on gmail, having concluded they could not reliably actually deliver email in a timely manner. The only exception to their delivery problems has been the regular delivery of messages phishing for account names and passwords.

In a related move security is being upgraded so that the only thing you will actually be able to do is run Windows Updates and antivirus scans. Also, you will be required to change your password every 90 seconds. "The Auditors" say we have to do it.

With apologies to Scott Adams...

ASU revisits Department Plans

Apparently not having enough to do even as it is yet again revising its core curriculum, ASU is requesting Departments to rewrite their plans to be in compliance with the University mission statement. All of this material will then be filed and never looked at until we do it again. Meanwhile, Assistant VC Haney will continue to work on the revision of the Gen Ed requirements, otherwise known as the Unfunded Mandate.

On a perhaps related note, we noticed that a search for Mr. Haney on ASU's web site lists him as "Provost & Exe VC Academic Affa" (this cut and pasted right from the site. Hmmm... a coup forming here?)

To further confuse us the new Director of Advising and Orientation is Dr. Maria Provost.

I couldn't have made that last one up.

With apologies to Scott Adams...

ASU smoking ban blows.

Caving in to committee members who smoke, the smoking policy ended up restricting smoking to beyond 50 feet of buildings.

Given the keen awareness of distances by ASU students you can expect students to smoke within 5 feet of doorways. Oh, what's an order of magnitude?

ASU Manages by Matrix

A policy of rewarding enrollment growth based on spreadsheet results is producing unpredictable results.

Those close to Provost (??) S. Shellgameman report that he will figure this out, given enough time. Interim Arts and Sciences Dean Tawny Calamari will help.

Or not.

Tawny Calamari

With apologies to Scott Adams...

This site is not an official voice of Appalachian State University, but merely a light-hearted look at the news. The people, places, creatures, corporations, and institutions in this Seen are fictitious: any resemblance to actual people, places, creatures, corporations, or institutions is strictly coincidental. No animals, especially administrators, were harmed in its production.

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